If you are a senior looking for love online, you belong to a large and growing club. A 2023 Pew Research Center study found that 1 in 6 Americans over the age of 50 has used a dating app to find companionship. With Valentine’s Day approaching, the prospect of finding Mr. Right or Ms. Right online can be especially tempting.
Many people have found the person of their dreams online. Unfortunately, others have discovered that their prospective dreamboat is really a nightmare, interested in robbery, not romance.
Of course, showering affection on someone just to swindle them is nothing new. What’s different now is that modern sweetheart scammers have an array of insidious cyber-tools to better disguise their identities and intentions.
In this blog post we tell you how to keep your heart, and your wallet, safe from these predators. You don’t have to swear off the internet, but you do need to exercise great vigilance.
Love Bombing
When you meet a romance scammer online, the conversation may turn personal very quickly. Scammers troll dating apps, but any social networking platform is a place for them to find victims. A bad actor may “love bomb” you, flatter you, be attentive, reach out to you frequently, seem to share your interests. The scammer may call you honey, dear, sweetheart or other endearing terms – but that may well be only to avoid confusing your name with the names of other targets he/she is grooming. Even the most cynical, sophisticated and smart people have fallen prey to this kind of attention, as you will see in the videos we posted below. If you have been lonely or are recently widowed, the need for connection can be intense and make anyone more vulnerable.
A fraudster who had found you on a dating app will generally urge you to start communicating away from that platform, to avoid its rules and protections. They will suggest that you communicate directly via text or email. At the same time, they will make endless excuses for not being able to meet you physically or to communicate by video. Some common excuses are:
- They live far away, sometimes in a foreign country. A typical excuse is that they are in the military or a medical person working abroad.
- They are traveling extensively on urgent business matters.
- They are ill and cannot travel at the moment, or are taking care of an ill child or parent and cannot leave them.
- They do not have access to the technology that would allow them to video chat with you, or their phone does not have sufficient minutes.
It’s All About The Money
Gaining your trust may take a long time, but these predators are very patient. It’s a long game for them. Once they gain your trust and start making promises about your future together, they will get down to business: asking you for money. They tell you hardship stories to prey on your sympathies. Typical examples include:
- They want to visit you but need you to send money for their travel expenses.
- They have lost a job and need money to tide them over.
- They or a loved one are ill and need money for medical expenses.
- They or a loved one has been jailed unjustly and money is needed for bail (or bribes).
- They are privy to a fantastic investment opportunity and because they love you, they are giving you the chance to get in on a good deal.
Cash Is King
More red flags: Your scammer will instruct you to send money in a form that makes it difficult or impossible to track and recover, such as.
- Wire transfers
- Cash transfers through services like Venmo or Zelle
- Cryptocurrency
- Money Orders
- Cashiers checks
- Pre-loaded gift cards
If you question why the need to transfer funds in this manner, the scammer will likely tell you that you are being difficult, they feel betrayed by your doubts, or accuse you of spoiling the good relationship you have with them and your future plans together.
Tips and Tools To Protect Yourself
- Limit the information you provide online about yourself. The more details you post, more bad actors can learn how to connect with you and push your buttons. Chances are if you like playing pickleball, your scammer is going to like it, too.
- Never send photos of your face. With artificial intelligence, these images could be manipulated and sexualized, then used to blackmail you (“sextortion”).
- While the internet gives bad actors new tools to take advantage of you, it also offers you some solid tools to check up on the person wooing you online:
- Check the social profile of the person who you’re communicating with. If there is not much information there, it’s a red flag. If there is information, you have some data you can check up on.
- In your search bar, type the word “scam” and then the supposed name of the person, their profession and/or location. See if any information comes up that points to the person being a known scammer.
- If you have a photo of the person, do a reverse image search. Go to www.images.google.com and upload a photo of the person. You can also type in other information such as the name. Results are not perfect, but can tell you where an image appears online and if it belongs to a real person.
If You Already Sent Money
If you realize you have been played, try not to beat yourself up too much. As you will see from the links we have posted below, many very, very smart people have fallen victim to this type of crime.
Here are the steps to take if you realize you have been scammed:
- If you have paid the person via wire transfer, debit or credit card, gift card or cryptocurrency, contact the company or bank immediately and see if you can get a refund.
- Immediately cease all communication with the individual. Block the person from every communication channel.
- Contact the platform where the person and you made contact – the dating app, Facebook, etc. – and let them know what has happened. The platform may have information that can help investigators and facilitate recovering your funds.
- Report the situation to the Federal Trade Commission.
- File a complaint with the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center.
- File a report with your local police department.
- Change all your passwords.
Check Out Others’ Experiences and Share With Others
Below are some videos that provide insight into others’ experience with sweetheart scams. Feel free to share with loved ones you think may be vulnerable. Hearing about these scams from the horse’s mouth can be more instructive than anything else!
From the Department of Homeland Security
From AARP
